I wrote this over the Christmas holidays. Have this posted over at owl.
Summary: A/N: Many thanks goes to my beta, Songquake. Written for the Slytherin Prompt Table: Severus/Hermione give each other the worst. gifts. ever.
Severus Snape sighed wearily as he watched his wife, Hermione, shrink their presents to make them easier to carry whilst Flooing to the Burrow. Merlin, why did she insist on going to the Weasleys’ this year? he thought, groaning inwardly as they stepped through the Floo. At least he'd talked her into celebrating New Year’s over at Lucius’.
“Really, Severus, don’t be such a grouch! We can eat lunch and have dinner over at Lucius’. I’ve already owled him,” she said as they came through the Floo at the Burrow, dusting soot off themselves.
“Severus? Are you having trouble moving?” Hermione grunted out as she tried to place one foot forward only to be pulled back.
“Darling, look up; someone spelled the mistletoe. Who was the idiot placing this directly in front of the...?” His voice drifted off as Hermione kissed him.
This released them from the spell and let them place their presents underneath the tree. They found the Weasley clan sitting around the kitchen table, waiting for them to arrive.
“Hello, Arthur,” Severus said, as he held the chair out for Hermione.
“Severus, Hermione, good of you to come! Enjoy!” Arthur exclaimed, happy that Hermione had convinced Severus to spend some time away from the labs.
After dinner, they sat around the Christmas tree passing out presents. Severus opened his first, revealing the first thing Hermione had bought him. “Dear, a self help book? Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus?”
Hermione giggled. “Well, you have so many books, and you didn’t have that one in your collection.”
Severus scowled as he opened his next present from Hermione. “A Weasley Sweater, darling?” he held it up for them to see. It was Slytherin Green and the S was silver.
“But—it took me a year to make it! I had help from Molly.” Hermione started to pout.
Harry and Ron snickered at the possibility of Snape wearing a Weasley sweater. They instantly quieted down when Severus scowled at them, and Molly was coming over to scold them.
Severus, knowing how to make it up to Hermione, quickly kissed her on the cheek to shush her as he opened the next one. “A kaleidoscope, Hermione?” he questioned her as he curiously put it to one eye and saw all the different colors.
“Arthur helped me with that one. He thought you would like it!”
The next gift he revealed was a pimp cane. “Darling, do you have a secret crush on Lucius Malfoy; that you would want me to have his pimp cane?” Severus inquired of her, ignoring Ron’s spewing of his drink.
Harry coughed at the idea of Severus pretending to be Lucius, and he received a scowl from Hermione.
“Well… I admit… I do have a bit of a crush on him.”
“Don’t get all in a mood, dear. Know what is this?” He strolled over to the present by the corner. It had his name on it and he unwrapped it quickly. Severus raised an eyebrow as he turned towards his wife for some answers.
“It’s a treadmill, darling. You have been putting on the pounds lately.”
“I am not fat!” he hissed. Clearly, he was not amused at all by her last gift. He sat down in a huff as he watched her open his gifts. Molly patted him on the shoulder as she gave him a glass of pumpkin juice.
Hermione unwrapped her first gift, noticing that it was a self help book from Severus. “Really, dear, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus?”
Severus sighed as he replied, “You obviously haven’t read that one yet, so I thought it would interest you.”
The next present she opened from him was a pair of handcuffs and... a whip. “Dearest, are you trying to tell me something?”
Severus just grinned at her as he passed the next present for her to unwrap.
“Socks! I do not have cold feet!” she hissed out angrily holding out four pair of knitted socks in red and green.
“Yes, you do, dear. That’s why I wear mine,” Severus drawled as he tried not to laugh.
After they finished unwrapping their gifts, they unwrapped the Weasleys' gifts, which were more practical. Everyone had chipped in to give Severus and Hermione a silver cauldron for experimenting with Wolfsbane Potion.
“Arthur, you shouldn’t have!” Hermione exclaimed hugging him.
“Everyone chipped in, even Ron.”
Ron’s ears turned red and he fled from the room, embarrassed.
“He’ll come around,” Arthur added as they thanked each other for the gifts.
Severus and Hermione activated the Floo to head back home with their gifts shrunken. “Well, I say that was surprising,” Severus murmured as he laid his hand on Hermione’s back, guiding her to the Christmas tree to place their unwrapped presents.
“Oh, you mean the gag gift idea, Severus? Did you see the looks on Harry and Ron’s faces when I gave you that sweater?” Hermione giggled.
“As long as I don’t have to wear it out in public,” Severus grumbled irately.
“Well, only if you're over visiting the Weasleys. Molly would expect you to wear it.”
“If I must. Now, darling, let’s get ready and head over to Lucius’!” Severus exclaimed to her as he hurried her to the bedroom.
“Aren’t you forgetting something, dearest?” Hermione inquired, pointing up at the mistletoe by their bedroom.
Severus pulled her in for a kiss and murmured, “Merry Christmas, Mrs. Snape.”
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